Tag Archives: weight loss journey

The power of the metal monster


t only has the power WE ascribe to it. It is a benign hunk of inert metals and plastic sitting on the bathroom floor. My scale can’t even give me a number unless I feed it with a battery! Over my lifetime I have sneered at it, revered it, loathed it and worshiped it.

I have had a very long love-hate relationship with that thing forever and a day…I still do. Every once in a while, I smile at it. I know, that is kind of crazy. It can be while I am washing the sink out or brushing my teeth. I will look over and there it will be. It is dark as no one is standing on it to make the LED reading light up. But, it knows I am speaking to “it.”

At times, it has mocked me. During my climb UP the scale, I rarely climbed ON the darn thing. But, I would still give it power even though I had no clue what it would say to me. Through most of the year 2010, the metal monster sat in the corner mocking me, daring me to climb aboard and light up the LED lights that would give me my “number” and tell me my self-worth.

Yes, I am sad to say that I allowed that hunk of plastic and metal parts to define my self-worth and my self-esteem throughout much of my adult life. Even when I was still tiny by today’s standards, I loathed getting on that thing and having it give me my “number” for the day. Even when the thing read 112 or 115!

I have alternated between daily weighing, hourly weighing and not weighing. Since joining WW, I try to do the weekly weighing but I don’t always make it. I still get weak and tend to do a “scale peek” sometime around Saturday or Sunday (weigh in day is Tuesday) and that can set the tone for the few days that follow before I climb aboard her for an official reading of those LED numbers.

The scale has haunted my dreams, much as a lover might. I have been as angry with it as I have been someone who has hurt me or upset me. I have even kicked it a few times. I definitely talk to it. I have found myself saying things to it like “You are going show some love to me this week, right.” Or, “Don’t you dare show me up cause I have been so OP all week.” It stares blankly back at me as if to say “You are going to weigh whatever you deserve to weigh.”

I have even been known to try to bribe it! I once looked down and noticed it had a little dust on the black part (my scale is white with black around the LED display area) and I “told it” that if it was nice to me tomorrow, I would give it the best cleaning ever! Ummm, ok. Thank goodness DH did not hear me or he might re-think having married me!

The scales that give me my love or my hate have changed over the years although not all that often. I tend to have my scales for a very long time. The one I use now is about 10 years old but very accurate although it does not weigh me in tenths of a pound so I never get the joy of losing .2 (or the agony) as it will not show a loss at all. It only reads in half pound increments. I know it is accurate as it is always the same as the doctor’s office or my friend’s doctor balance beam scale. I weigh myself fully clothed before leaving for the doctor and each time, it is accurate to within half a pound. So, I keep it.

I have some disdain for my friend the scale this week as a peek this morning shows me up a little bit..or a lot, depending on how you look at it. But, I am not in a panic over it yet. I will be if it stays there on Tuesday. I should NOT give it the power I do. If I am up, it is a part of this journey. Our bodies are NOT on a time table with our body weight and scientifically, there are reasons we fluctuate a few pounds each DAY, let alone in a week. But, I am human, and I am on a weight loss program, so I want it to be DOWN, not UP!

I never get to see numbers like -5.0 anymore in a weekly weigh in. I see things like -0.5, but not 5 whole pounds in a week as I did in my youth. But, as long as it shows a lower number than it did the week before, I will be smiling at my friend in the corner. If not, a few sneers won’t matter. It is used to them.


My trip to “One-der-land” and why I have become a permanent resident!


I am making a permanent move soon. It is a place that is filled with health and where most people look great, at least people like me who are only five feet tall. It is a destination that I have visited once over the last 10 years. I visited and stayed there for more than a whole year back in 2002-2003.

I had lived there most of my life until around 1990. For twelve years I moved to “Two-ter-ville” and then for a brief time, I visited “Threes-land” but I did not like it there at all! I moved quickly back to “Two-ter-ville and began my quest to head back to One-der-land shortly thereafter.

In December of 2002, I weighed 179 lbs for what seemed like a few minutes. I was a little bit shy of 60 pounds from my goal. I remember the day I entered One-der-land for the first time in a dozen years. I looked around and I saw clothes in stylish hues, chairs that were comfortable, no matter what type, movie theater seats that I did not have to squeeze into…but the best thing at all about One-der-land is that people seem to never stare at you like you are a circus freak when you live there.

Now I am getting ready to move there again in a few weeks. This time, I sold my house in Two-ter-ville and I will not return. I am one pound shy of 100 pounds less than my highest weight of 303 pounds. I am 5 pounds away from One-der-land. I really liked it there so this time I am making that move PERMANENT!

Moving back and forth is exhausting. I am tired of it. I am too old to play the yo-yo thing anymore. Visitng One-der-land is no longer an option. I must put down roots and no matter how hard it will be to live there, I must. I am moving to the southern tip of One-der-land where the short people congregate..we like to live south of 120th street. That is where the charts tell me I should live at five feet tall and where all the healthy short people live. I have been scouting homes there and I like what I see.

When I get there, I am going to throw a party! There will be wine and dancing and 94% fat free popcorn and a great big bowl of fruit! Can’t wait!

***This was from March when I was a few pounds away from entering Onederland! My excitement is obvious. I thought I would share it with some of you who never read this cause I think it sums up how I feel. I am now 29 lbs into that “one-derous” place and heading south. Hope you enjoy my little trip. I did when I just read it again!